I don’t know about you, but I have not yet realized the dream of living amongst people who bring their sweaty sports clothes down to the laundry room instead of shoving them behind the bedroom door or under their dressers, who know that making a bed involves fluffy pillows and nurse’s corners and not a pile of bed sheets twisted up into a ball at the foot of their mattress and who, when called out on the half eaten whatever wherever are man enough to own it as opposed to calling out the invisible fifth offspring known affectionately as “Not Me.”
And so as we prepare to meet up with the architect to go over the initial rendering, I have but one request, build the house around them: The Children. I have adjusted my wants vs. needs list and concluded that not only do the needs far outweigh the wants but even better, they should come in at about half the estimated construction cost.
- KITCHEN: open plan with walk-in pantry and XL island
- MUDROOM: laundry area with locker storage & bench seating for 6
- KIDS’ LOFT: open plan with mountain views
- KITCHEN: open plan with serving window to outdoor bar/seating area for anyone under 21 years of age or with more than two legs. Walk in pantry will be fitted with wi-fi, a wine fridge and locking system from the inside as it will double as my personal safe room.
- MUDROOM: interior garden hose hookup and floor drainage for optimal washing of the dog & the kids
- KIDS’ LOFT: padded & sound proofed, windows optional
I’m big into function over form. Is that wrong? I’m totally outnumbered here so I’ll admit that self-preservation is high up on my list – obviously. Take for example the bathroom that I’ve been obsessing about for the past three years. It is the ONLY possible answer for a familia numerosa as they refer to us here.
What is not to love about this Machiavellian work of art? Do you not see that there is no shower door to clean? Look again! Behold, the doorway to Narnia. The wall is recessed far enough back that you don’t need the fancy door begging soap scum removal every thirty-five seconds. And what about that raised lip on the entry? Slow down, young buck. Did you think you were going to RUN into or out of this one of a kind showering alcove? Think again, and let the water drops fall where they may. Floor drainage of course will be paramount and may God strike me dead if they ever think to plug the drain with a washcloth for that small lake effect. This is my plan for the kids’ jack-n-jill bathroom. And it all revolves around this shower to which we will add a second shower head at the opposite end. Why shower 4 kids one at a time when you can throw the girls in together (phase 1) then the boys in together (phase 2) and be done in half the time? It’s the junior high PE concept of hygiene: group showers. I reminded the husband of the timed shower spigot, which let’s face it, the savings that thing would net us from 4 kids pooping out on pumping that thing for hot water would mean that the bathroom would pay for itself within the first six months. Genius, I’m telling you, GENIUS! Why is this not standard in all houses with kids whose idea of bathing is standing under the shower head and draining the entire household of its hot water supply while never once thinking to grab the soap and lather up? To my surprise the husband thought my idea cruel and unusual (as in punishment) but given the fact that we haven’t yet broken ground, there’s still plenty of time for me to make my case.
So before I forget, does anyone have a source for timed shower spigots in southern Spain?